Category: 52 / countdown / trinity

I’m not entirely shut off to the idea of Countdown somehow coming around and redeeming itself. Sure, it’s highly improbable, but the possibility exists, and I certainly wouldn’t mind having this all turn into a quality series with a big dramatic finish to lead us into DC’s big Final Crisis event. It’s not likely, but it sure would be nice.

This issue, therefore, let me say, isn’t bad. It’s actually kind of good. There’s one glaring mistake in the coloring department, but, other than that, it’s an exciting, tense issue. So let’s talk about what made it so, and let’s see if we can’t get a consensus from the peanut gallery (that includes you – – thanks for reading!).

The issue begins at the Multiversal Nexus, where we last saw Superman-Prime beating up Solomon the Monitor, before Forerunner showed up. This issue, Solomon tells Superman-Prime that his perfect Earth is, in actuality, Earth-51, where Monarch has just started his war against the Monitors. Superman-Prime flips out, yells, “They’re ruining it!” and flies off in a huff. Forerunner tells Solomon that she’s there to kill him. She should really start talking in the Monitor’s language and use stupid words like “negate” instead of “kill.” Oh well. Hit the jump. (more…)

Well, it was bound to happen again, so I’m not even going to apologize. The fact that I’ve kept up this much for this series so far speaks volumes, so sue me if I slip behind a few weeks every once in awhile. Just try to see things from my perspective: Not only am I buying and reading one of the stupidest, boringest comic books ever written, but then I have the duty of writing a recap/review for you blood-thirsty animals. This is Victorian freakshow, folks, so enjoy the spectacle of a tortured man’s ramblings. Sure, I could quit at any time, and nobody would fault me for it (hell, some of you would probably prefer it), but I told myself, back when this series started, that I would review it through to the end. I believe my words were, “I have money to burn.” Anyway, let’s get down to it; we’ve got three weeks worth of “stuff” to “cover,” and we’re running out of daylight. (more…)

Well, it’s the holiday season, so cut me some slack with the joint and partially late reviews, here. I’ve been pretty busy with all that. That aside, though, let me just say, “HEAVENS TO BETSY, WE’RE IN THE TEENS AND NOTHING HAS HAPPENED YET.” To piss in everybody’s egg nog, I’m back once again for the (semi) weekly review of the shittiest (weekly) comic I’ve ever read. Actually, you can take out the second parentheses “weekly,” because this is really just the worst comic book I’ve ever read. And I read “One More Day.” Love it or hate it, at least something happened in that one (even if it is the stupidest ending to a story I’ve read in quite a long time). Nothing has really happened in this, other than the Monitors declaring war on the Multiverse anomalies (eight weeks ago) and then never doing anything about it. Oh, yeah, plus this series kind of ruined a lot of suspense from the Sinestro Corps War and tainted Bart Allen’s death by its stupidity. Plus, let’s not forget flushing Black Adam down the toilet and turning Superboy-Prime into a forty year-old man. Oh, and I guess it’s also killed the charm of the 52 Universes by plodding through a whole bunch of them and showing us how lame they are. I digress. What happened in issue Nineteen?

Fuck, let’s take it from the top. Piper drags Trickster’s dead body around. Then he decides to cut his arm off, but doesn’t do it.

The Challengers hang out in a bar on Earth 51, the happy ending earth. No, I don’t mean everybody gets a handy. The heroes won, is what I mean.

Harley and Holly meet Hippolyta, who tells them that they’re being duped by Athena. They take her word for it, even though they’ve been lied to since the first issue of this stupid series. I mean, I guess it’s convenient for the reader, since we all KNOW they’re being duped by Athena, but these bitches are willing to swallow anything. Wow, these innuendos are just falling into my lap over here!

Over on Apokolips, Jimmy Olsen smooths things over with Forager, kind of, and she realizes he has a Mother Box inside of him. I wouldn’t mind being inside his mother’s box. God, I’m on a roll! Anyway, they escape through a Boom Tube that Jimmy somehow creates, and then make out. For real.

That was a waste of paper. (more…)

I see London; I see France; I see a shitty comic book with Mary Marvel’s ass hanging out on the cover.

Sigh.

Total page numbers for each storyline in this week’s issue of Countdown:
Brother Eye: Four.
Karate Kid and Una: Three.
The Challengers: One.
Jimmy Olsen: Three.
Monarch: Two.
Pied Piper in “Weekend at Bernie’s 3:” Three.
Mary Marvel: Four.
Total splash pages: Four.

Ok, then. See how they can’t tell any stories? They’ve seriously set up an entire series that can’t tell a single story, by the nature of its design. “52” found its way around that by taking each of the individual stories and giving them entire issues devoted to just one story at a time. For example, one year ago, when “52” was in Week Thirty-Two, Ralph Dibny’s story was given fifteen pages, Osiris’ got four, and the Space Adventurers were left with two. Oh well, Countdown sucks balls, so let’s just get this shit over with. (more…)

“Omigod! This thing’s counting down!” – Pied Piper

It’s not a good week this week. Never is, it seems. Things open with Piper realizing that Trickster’s really, truly dead (the bullet holes in his forehead and chest should’ve been an indication) and then realizing that his little wrist bracelet thing recognizes Trickster as being dead and starts counting down to self-destruction, which elicits the above self-referential (see: cute!) line from Piper. Who cares? What role are these guys, er, is this guy playing in the grander picture? I kind of assumed their role was to set up “Salvation Run,” but that’s already running, so the mystery there is gone. Seems more and more pointless by the day, this storyline.

Over on Apokolips, Desaad talks to Granny Goodness, who reveals (SURPRISE!) that she’s posing as Athena. That would be semi-big to not very big news if they hadn’t already revealed that in a different mini-series (that, incidentally, tied-in with this one) back in the last week of August of this year. For those keeping count, that’s over three months ago. So Countdown has been clogged with three months of pointless drivel, it seems, since it took them so long to catch up. Oh well! Things then shift to Athena’s Help Center people, who are going through boot camp. Holly and Harley elude the guards’ attention fairly easily and go sneaking off into a cave in the woods. Somebody with a sword awaits in the shadows. (more…)

You know those creepy voyeur websites floating all over the Internet? You know how sometimes, you see some creepy pictures of a girl who was asleep, naked, and some guy just decided to take her picture and throw it up online? If not, I don’t even want to know you, but, if you’re anything like me, you know exactly what I’m talking about, so you know what I mean when I say that that’s how we open this week’s issue of Countdown — with a practically naked picture of Mary Marvel splashed across the first page. Some convenient shadows (in space, no less) make it so we can’t see anything, but we all know what’s under there. Frankly, this comic sickens me sometimes.

Anyway, Mary is with Eclipso, who saved her from being blown to bits by the Dominion’s fleet last week. Mary doesn’t believe Eclipso’s excuses anymore, so she steals Eclipso’s diamond (the source of her power) and blasts her into next Tuesday. Sigh. I miss Black Adam. At least when he was laying the smack down, he wasn’t quoting shitty James Bond movies and even shittier gangster rap superstars. (more…)

I’d like to say that I didn’t write the blog for last week’s issue of Countdown to Final Crisis because there was a lot to digest, and I didn’t quite know of a good place to jump in for discussion, seeings as how it’s the first issue since…the first issue of this series that Paul Dini, head writer of Countdown, has written all on his own. Sadly, but predictably, that’s simply not the case. I really do have to wonder why Mr. Dini chose this issue as the only other issue he’s written so far to…write. Other than the, as you can see, awesome cover by the fantastic JG Jones, this issue is nothing more than what we’ve come to expect from CTFC: A big ol’ piece of shit. It’s almost as if he was told by the higher ups that he had to put a little work in and write an entire issue by himself, at which point, he closed his eyes and drew a number from a hat; because, in all seriousness, there’s nothing in this issue to distinguish it or make it any more important than all the other crap we’ve gone through so far. Ah, well. A digression. (more…)

Wow, that was a close call. For the past couple of weeks, Countdown has shown promise. Here I was, thinking we had ourselves a genuine turn-around. Boy, was I ever wrong! This week, we’re back to the usual flawed piece of garbage we’ve grown to love to hate, and we’re (kind of) introduced to an all-new character (mostly) within the pages of Countdown. Can you guess who it is? He’s on the cover! Here’s a hint: He’s currently involved in the completely inconsequential Sinestro Corps War, but Countdown completely ignores that, gives him a costume change, ages him about ten-fifteen years, and changes just about everything about his character. Any guesses? Why, it’s none other than Superboy…er, SuperMAN-Prime! He’s wearing the same stupid suit that Superman, the real Superman, was wearing when he returned from the dead back in 1993, even though this promo image of the cover shows him in the traditional red and blue. Seriously, would it have been that big of a spoiler to make him wear black? I guess maybe at the end of the Sinestro Corps War, he gets a wardrobe change, so if that had come out before this, we’d know what we were in for. Who knows?

Anyway, let’s talk about what happens. First, the good: The story involving Superman-Prime, what little story there is to it, takes up the majority of the issue. But, let’s also get the bad out of the way: The story involving Superman-Prime takes up the majority of the issue. (more…)