Countdown to Final Crisis: Twenty-One

“Omigod! This thing’s counting down!” – Pied Piper

It’s not a good week this week. Never is, it seems. Things open with Piper realizing that Trickster’s really, truly dead (the bullet holes in his forehead and chest should’ve been an indication) and then realizing that his little wrist bracelet thing recognizes Trickster as being dead and starts counting down to self-destruction, which elicits the above self-referential (see: cute!) line from Piper. Who cares? What role are these guys, er, is this guy playing in the grander picture? I kind of assumed their role was to set up “Salvation Run,” but that’s already running, so the mystery there is gone. Seems more and more pointless by the day, this storyline.

Over on Apokolips, Desaad talks to Granny Goodness, who reveals (SURPRISE!) that she’s posing as Athena. That would be semi-big to not very big news if they hadn’t already revealed that in a different mini-series (that, incidentally, tied-in with this one) back in the last week of August of this year. For those keeping count, that’s over three months ago. So Countdown has been clogged with three months of pointless drivel, it seems, since it took them so long to catch up. Oh well! Things then shift to Athena’s Help Center people, who are going through boot camp. Holly and Harley elude the guards’ attention fairly easily and go sneaking off into a cave in the woods. Somebody with a sword awaits in the shadows.

Elsewhere, we meet up with the Challengers, who have just landed on Earth 12, Batman Beyond’s Earth. GIANT TANGENT TIME.

Ok, so they jump to a different Earth that’s been altered so that, in the future, Batman retires and, after awhile, appoints a new Batman when Terry McGinnis stumbles upon Bruce Wayne’s secrets. Bruce mentors him and helps him become a great Batman. Well, if the Challengers jump over there in present day DC continuity, wouldn’t they just see Bruce Wayne, fighting crime in his prime? Or is this divergent Earth set in the future, too? I’d expect a logical answer, except, this is coming from a company that seems to not even know a lick about the Batman Beyond storyline. You see, some months back, DC posted possible fight scenarios for Countdown: Arena, and one of the possible fighters you could vote on was Green Lantern Beyond, never seen before. No. I watched all the episodes of that show, and, there’s a couple where Terry works alongside the Justice League. Superman’s older and been corrupted with a mind-controlling device, and is killing League members while acting like he’s trying to solve the mystery. Terry figures it out (without Bruce’s help) and puts a stop to it by fighting Superman with the other Justice League members. They then defeat the bigger opponent who was controlling Superman’s mind in the first place. Great episode. Only, Green Lantern was in it, and he was, like, an infant looking thing that was super intelligent. Nothing like the GL they’ve pitched for Arena. If they can’t be expected to remember things like that, HOW CAN WE HOLD THEM ACCOUNTABLE FOR EXPLANATIONS OF LARGER CONTINUITY/TIMELINE PROBLEMS?

I digress. Anyway, another Monitor shows up and says he wants to stop the Challengers. This results in a fight and an escape (Jesus fucking Christ, that happens every issue). As they pass through the Bleed, Bob the Monitor says he now knows exactly where Ray Palmer is. ‘Bout time.

Anyway, back in Bludhaven, Firestorm is back to normal (that whole Desaad takeover thing lasted all of four pages), and he fights off the Atomic Knights long enough for Karate Kid to get where he’s going, punch in some buttons, and Brother Eye wakes up under the mountains at Norad, and emerges from the Earth, ready to fight, flanked by dozens and dozens of OMACs.

I am so sick of OMACs.