JIM DOOM: Hey, let’s finish reviewing Captain America.
DOOM DELUISE: I need to find [our first attempt at our review] so I can get caught up. I forget what I was having a hard time explaining.
JIM DOOM: Or we could just move on to talking about specific things and you can build a segue between the old part and the new part later. This will also make it seem like you got the last word in on whatever the topic was!
DOOM DELUISE: I found it. Re-reading the review so far is really frustrating.
JIM DOOM: haha, I bet.
DOOM DELUISE: I don’t want to be rude, but it was like you were ignoring half of what I was saying and then faulting my logic and trying to catch me in contradictions.
JIM DOOM: Is this the start of the review?
DOOM DELUISE: …while fully ignoring almost everything I was saying.
JIM DOOM: Well, I wasn’t trying to catch you in contradictions. I thought you were contradicting yourself, and I couldn’t latch onto what your actual problem with the movie was. So there was no trying to catch contradictions. They were landing in my lap.
Perfect segue — I wasn’t understanding you, so why don’t you say “Okay, let’s talk about some specifics.”
DOOM DELUISE: No, no. they weren’t actual contradictions. You were suggesting they were, but that’s because you weren’t paying attention to what I was saying.
JIM DOOM: …Then we can talk about specifics. Because as I remember it, we were just floating in generalities, and there’s no way to really discuss, “This movie was a total failure!”
DOOM DELUISE: OK, let’s take a ten minute break and then start completely over. Trust me, what we have so far is a total wash.
JIM DOOM: Jesus so we get to start all over with you saying the movie is a total failure and I say it’s not? Hooray.
DOOM DELUISE: I was hoping we could be more succinct with our arguments so that we’re not just bickering back and forth in the most annoying way possible. It’s not fun to read what we have so far.
JIM DOOM: Well I’m sure it isn’t for you, considering you were contradicting yourself all over the place.
DOOM DELUISE: Right.
Do me a favor, before we start up again. Find the old transcript, read it over, pay attention to what you wrote, and try to pretend that you’re not being an obstinate dick.
JIM DOOM: I don’t really know what you’re talking about now. I just read it, and if this really bothers you, I think we should just forget it. This doesn’t read any different than any of our other conversations when you lead with sweeping, damning generalizations and I try to draw details out of you. And if you came out with the same points this morning, I’d probably reply exactly the same.
DOOM DELUISE: OK, let’s start over, and I’ll try to steer clear of generalizations.
So, we both saw Captain America: The First Avenger, and the one point we can probably agree upon is that it’s a movie!
JIM DOOM: Bullshit! (more…)