Countdown to Final Crisis: Twenty-Four
Wow, that was a close call. For the past couple of weeks, Countdown has shown promise. Here I was, thinking we had ourselves a genuine turn-around. Boy, was I ever wrong! This week, we’re back to the usual flawed piece of garbage we’ve grown to love to hate, and we’re (kind of) introduced to an all-new character (mostly) within the pages of Countdown. Can you guess who it is? He’s on the cover! Here’s a hint: He’s currently involved in the completely inconsequential Sinestro Corps War, but Countdown completely ignores that, gives him a costume change, ages him about ten-fifteen years, and changes just about everything about his character. Any guesses? Why, it’s none other than Superboy…er, SuperMAN-Prime! He’s wearing the same stupid suit that Superman, the real Superman, was wearing when he returned from the dead back in 1993, even though this promo image of the cover shows him in the traditional red and blue. Seriously, would it have been that big of a spoiler to make him wear black? I guess maybe at the end of the Sinestro Corps War, he gets a wardrobe change, so if that had come out before this, we’d know what we were in for. Who knows?
Anyway, let’s talk about what happens. First, the good: The story involving Superman-Prime, what little story there is to it, takes up the majority of the issue. But, let’s also get the bad out of the way: The story involving Superman-Prime takes up the majority of the issue.
To start with, we meet Superman-Prime on Earth 15, the earth from a few weeks ago that the Challengers visited that had Jason Todd as Batman, Donna Troy as Wonder Woman, Kyle Rayner as the greatest Green Lantern and General Zod as Superman. Remember how it was really convenient for the story, but didn’t really need to exist? Well, remember that point. Anyway, Superman-Prime is looking for the perfect earth, and he’s pissed at Lex Luthor, since Alex Luthor failed to deliver the perfect earth in the last Crisis. So Superman-Prime kills Earth-15’s Superman by tossing a crystal through his chest. He then murders the Justice League with ease, gets pissy, and flies into the center of the earth, thereby destroying it in its entirety. So, that earth was not needed, and now we’re down to 51 (ha!). They also show the cover image in mirrored form within the pages of the story. It’s seriously, like, identical.
Elsewhere, Desaad as Firestorm fights the Karate Kid and Una group. The Atomic Knights step in, and Desaad gets beat and loses the Firestorm powers. That was fucking dumb.
Elsewhere, Mary Marvel decides to fight Darkseid, but then she leaves. Escapes? She was the one who started the fight! That’s all.
Elsewhere, Kyle Rayner feels sad, and Donna Troy feels sad, too. Well, for a page, anyway.
There’s your issue for this week. My main problem with it is that they mention early on that Superman-Prime knows of the existence of the Multiverse because Sinestro told him about it. So, like, they spoil even more of the ending to the Sinestro Corps War, for one. But, then, let’s forget that. Superman-Prime knows of the existence of the Multiverse. Great. Now, HOW DOES HE TRAVEL BETWEEN UNIVERSES WITHIN THE MULTIVERSE? Isn’t the reason the Challengers are able to because they have a Monitor with them who has the technology to do so? Isn’t Monarch able to because he has access to the Bleed? I mean, seriously, how do you jump between universes? Do you just think, “I want to be on Earth 24! Shazam!” and then you’re there?
Secondly, how come nobody knows how to write Superman-Prime’s character? In Infinite Crisis, he was never a bad guy, really, until the ending. He wanted to get his earth back, so that he would be the only hero, so that he’d be special. Failing that, he wanted an earth that was good, at least. But when he saw how our earth’s heroes were kind of corrupt and dark and stuff, he fought them. He didn’t have total control over his powers, so he accidentally killed some of them. By the end of the story, he was just walking around killing everybody he could, because he was fed up with our world. He wasn’t walking around saying, “These guys are lame jerks! I will kill Superman because he’s so lame!” No, he was just an immature kid who was lashing out because he couldn’t have what he wanted. When an immature kid throws a temper tantrum, it’s usually no big deal, but when that kid has the powers of Superman, it can get a little messy. By the end of the Crisis, Superboy-Prime was a ruthless, calculating, evil person. Now he’s just a whiny little bitch that grew up overnight somehow.
Oh, and where did he get the power to destroy an entire planet by flying into the middle of it? Are all Supermen all-powerful and able to make up any powers as they see fit?
This series sucks, man. I’m so sick of it.
well, I think I can only by one comic book for the rest of the year… I’ll make it this one, just to spite you. Just to make you squirm.
Excellent review, by the way.
I was just re-reading my review, and I stopped at the very end, at the line, “Are all Supermen…” and it got me to wondering. Just how many f-ing Supermen are there these days (on New Earth)? Our Superman, Superman-Prime, Kingdom Come Superman, Cyborg Superman, Sunglasses Superman up at the north pole…am I missing any?
That’s too many Supermen.
I think I’d disagree with you that this is a step in the wrong direction for Countdown. Everything still sems on track to me. Of course, that track only started like two weeks ago.
As far as know one being able to write Superboy-Prime correctly: I think it’s safe to say that being trapped in a Green Lantern prison for over a year has got to affect you a little.
Yeah, but I wouldn’t think it would make him so emotionally disconnected, or distracted. Like, he’s beating these guys up, thinking about asking Laurie out on a date. I’d think he’d be super pissed. Like, pissed enough that he’d carve the S shield into his chest with his finger and seethe until released.
I dunno. Maybe he’d just throw a hissy fit and stomp his feet a bunch.
Maybe he’s just a crazy mofo now. So sometimes he’s a whiny little bitch, sometimes he’s thinking about asking a girl he’s knows is dead out on a date, and sometimes he’s carving S’s into his own chest for fun.
None of that nonsense explains how he’s multiverse hopping or aging 15 years in an issue.
One day, I’m going to invent a device that allows me to punch DC Comics in the face. I hope you’ll all join me.
Maybe whenever he thinks of something he wants changed, he just punches one of the walls of reality. Voila!
DC should create a stock image they put at the end of every issue, showing Superboyman Prime punching the walls of reality and text reading, “If anything in this issue didn’t make sense, it’s simply because of Superman Prime punching the walls of reality. Thanks for your understanding.” It could be called the Official DC Seal of Nonsense.
And they could have a seal with Dr Light saying “Its rrrrrrapetastic, kids!” so you know its suitable for pre-schoolers.
Since I just got Photoshop, I think I know what I’ll be doing this weekend.
I agree with the whole review, except for the end. It seems as though it would be fairly easy to destroy a planet from the inside; I suppose you just burrow into the Earth’s core and do something…super. Heat vision, spin around really fast…something to destabalize the core enough so that it would explode (it’s sci-fi fanwank, but it works). No extra power necessary.
-M
Stop insulting Prime!! stupid people! stupid earth!
hehehe!
please DC, please kill Prime already! i beg you! he’s the most irritating character to date!
hoping they will not kill prime. i like prime maybe dc will make him a good guy, and superman prime is pre crisis level in power an explosion by monarch shouldnt makee a dent in his hide.