Category: 52 / countdown / trinity

How utterly fitting. In a series where absolutely nothing of importance happened over the course of fifty tedious issues, it is only fitting that the finale is similarly devoid of any points of interest.

Still, the series accomplished what it set out to accomplish, I suppose. They killed all of the New Gods, and they established the fact that there are fifty-two Monitors watching over each of the fifty-two universes of the Multiverse. They also made it so that Brother Eye is in hiding, with only one OMAC left at his disposal, which is a far cry from before the series, when Brother Eye was in hiding, with only one OMAC at his disposal. They also turned “Mary Damn Marvel” evil and changed Jason Todd from the ruthless, loner vigilante he used to be into the all-new and improved ruthless, loner vigilante that he is now. Holly Robinson and Harley Quinn and the Pied Piper were also dealt with; they went from being lost and purposeless to being…uh, purposeless and lost. Plus, some supervillains were rounded up and shipped off-world. Oh, and some universes died and were reborn.

Why have I been so critical of this series, then? Simple. The New Gods dying wasn’t really covered here; it had its own mini-series for that. The Monitors were established in Brave New World. Salvation Run took care of the missing supervillains story, and the Challengers never really did anything of note. Well, unless you count going from universe to universe for no reason, fighting big bug monsters, eventually heading to Apokolips, leaving, watching a dead but reborn earth die again, and then going home as “something of note.” Because if that’s the case, well, yeah, sure, I guess they did something. Hit the jump. (more…)

Sweet, merciful crap, it’s almost over.

Let me ask you an old question: If a tree falls in the woods, and nobody’s around to hear it, does it still make a sound? Now let me twist that question just a tad: If a direct Countdown tie-in features a major plot point months in advance to an issue of Countdown, do you think Countdown will acknowledge it or realize it happened? Let me ask it differently: Does the Pope shit on Countdown in the woods?

I’d usually pause at this point and say that we need to catch up to whatever happened in this issue, or whatever they’re passing off as happening in this issue, but I don’t know if you guys will be able to keep up this week. Take a deep breath to focus all of your energies on this following summation, so that you don’t have to re-read it. It may be worth re-reading; don’t get me wrong. That’s a judgment call that you’re going to have to make on your own, but here it is:

Jimmy Olsen, in the form of a giant-sized turtle, wrestles a giant-sized Darkseid, until a miniature-sized Ray Palmer destroys the soul catcher that was inside Jimmy (the one that has been housing all the souls/powers of the dead New Gods), after which point a Boom Tube opens up nearby, from which a non-dead Orion (who died in DONG #6), comes out to confront and eventually kill a now non-giant Darkseid. And then Orion also dies.

Let me sit here while that sinks in for a second.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is your second to last issue of Countdown to Final Crisis.

What was all of that talk, back in DONG #6, where Scott Free says how he felt Orion’s death through the Source Wall, something he couldn’t sense with the other dead New Gods, since Orion’s soul wasn’t stolen; rather, he died and returned to the Source, leaving only his helmet behind. Darkseid felt it too, reaching out from across the span of space, waxing poetic about how their joined story has finally ended. And then, later, at the end of the next issue, Darkseid is confronted by the now fully-reformed Source, at which point the Source notes that Darkseid has pulled something unexpected for their final clash in the upcoming conclusion to the DONG miniseries.

I mean, really, what was all of that? Somebody answer me, goddamnit. No explanation is given and none can be.

Here’s my prediction/prayer-list for the finale next week: Every last one of these characters is killed off, after which every writer and artist involved on this project resigns and goes off to sell auto-insurance somewhere far away.

There are three things I’ve learned in the past twenty-four hours. First, you can get across the border from Panama to Costa Rica with no outbound ticket documentation by giving the border guard a five dollar bill. Second, when a boat driver tells you he’s going to pick you up at a certain time, that’s not taking into account his forty-five minute-long coffee break. Third, not even several weeks in a sunny paradise can make me any more amiable toward Countdown to Final Crisis, the single worst comic book I’ve ever read from start to (almost) finish.

I’m still in Central America, so, off the bat, my apologies for the delayed recap. But, really, what have I missed since we last got caught up? The Great Disaster has come and gone, the Challengers returned to our Earth, and Mary Marvel got a whole lot sexier. Thankfully, Fin Fang Doom picked up the slack last week and I didn’t have to write three weeks worth of recaps; I think just this one will be plenty for now.

So, last Wednesday, Countdown. Three weeks, three issues left. What happened? I’ll give you three guesses, and the first two don’t count.

Nothing happened. Nothing ever happens. Oh, and, does everybody fully understand that The Great Disaster had ABSOLUTELY NO IMPACT ON ANYTHING? (more…)

In case anyone was wondering, yes, Mary Marvel does in fact have boobs. See? They’re right up there. Nice and big, so you can really get a sense of how her boobs define her character. Also of note: Mary’s left boob, the logical thinking one, is evil, while her right bood, the creative one, is good. Now that all of the boob-related concerns have been addressed, we can get down to business. (more…)