Trinity #38

trinity 38It’s been awhile since Fin Fang Doom has regularly reviewed Trinity, and, since he initially claimed he was going to be reviewing every issue until the very end, I figure that somebody should step in to pick up the slack, since he went off and made friends and started neglecting his promise to you, our faithful and loyal readers.

As luck would have it, I don’t have very many friends, and the ones I do have aren’t that much fun to hang out with, so I have nothing holding me back from reviewing this series. Afterall, I slugged my way through Countdown, and this series doesn’t seem to be nearly as groan-inducing as that one was. I’ll be following Fin Fang’s basic outline for reviewing, so that you long-time readers won’t even miss a step. Hold on to your butts, it’s time to get this ball rolling!

In the lead: The Holy Trinity (haha) are finally back, after a really long, boring absence, and they have their work cut out for them. Batman, in his God form, is about twice the size of Gotham City, and he’s working on some sort of mystic spell-casting in order to save all of humanity. He spends most of the issue in a big-ass church with stain-glass windows, lighting candles (that produce a LOT of smoke) and reciting incantations.

Meanwhile, the Justice Arcana and Alfred’s Six are waging war on Earth against the main bad guys, like the Grape Ape and the big cretin looking cyclops thing. It’s a war to save all of reality, and it’s being waged in the name of the Trinity.

In the back-up: The Trinity have a closed-door meeting in a top-secret sanctuary to figure out how to return to their earthly forms in order to bring an end to this destructive conflict. It’s revealed that more enemies are coming from the gates of Hell, and if the Trinity don’t intervene, it’ll spell doom for the Arcana and all of Earth’s heroes.

My take: Boy, one issue in, and my asshole already hurts from how badly this series is screwing us all over. For a story that’s supposed to be about the Trinity, we’re still being bogged down in all this nonsense with Alfred and Jason Todd and Kronos and the rest of these lame-brain ding-a-lings. And don’t even get me started on that Tarot lady. She hasn’t done a single thing since, like, the third issue that’s even been remotely interesting. The violence in this thing seriously needs to start amping up so that some of these guys get killed off and stop cluttering everything up.

Things to keep an eye on: Morgan La Fey’s Dark Arcana hasn’t been too prominent in the past two issues, so expect them to return at any time. Also, it looks like Gotham City has been captured inside of some sort of cave-like structure, as a bunch of stalactites (or is it stalagmites, I can never remember the difference, lol) seem to be hovering over the skyline. And, if Batman’s not careful, he might hit his head on them. Then, next issue, there’d just be ten pages of him holding an icepack to his cowl, which wouldn’t be very interesting.

Until next time, au revoir, keep on truckin’, God be with you, and don’t forget to tighten your belts.