Countdown: Forty-One

You know what would be a really nice touch to add to Countdown? An actual narrative. Or, failing that, some compelling dialogue or entertaining fight sequences. Or, failing even that modest request, something relatively pretty to look at. Unfortunately, none of that stuff graces the pages of this worthless rag. I really don’t enjoy being such a negative guy, and there are very few things more annoying to me than idiots on the World Wide Web (as Optimus Prime calls it) complaining and nitpicking about how much their comic books suck, but, on the other hand, this comic book really does suck. Like, bad.

This issue, we’re given more of the same scatter-shot, direction-less drivel that we’ve come to expect every week, so it should come as no surprise that I still don’t really have the slightest idea of what’s going on, and not in a mysterious and compelling way, but in more of a, “Why have I read eleven issues of a series where nothing has happened and nothing seems like it ever will?” type of way. I guess we should discuss what “went down” this issue, though, pun intended. Laugh.

We start up with Trickster and Piper free-falling, just the way we left them last week. They fall, but they find a pair of rocket shoes in their backpack and don’t die. They do, however, do an awful lot of talking, with nary a, “What did you just say? I can’t hear you because of this rushing wind in my ears from free-falling for the past 32,00 feet!” in sight. They compose themselves once they land, and it looks like they’re going to go find the Penguin to aid and abet them. He’d be pretty stupid to do that. They’re pretty much the most wanted men in the country, other than the Amazons attacking and all the other supervillains in the supervillain community.

Speaking of Amazons, we see a return to the Athenian Women’s Shelter, where picketers are, well, picketing, because the Amazons downed Air Force One. Harley tries to fight the picketers, and Holly stops her. Oh, that Harley!

Elsewhere, Jimmy Olsen makes himself a lame looking costume for his new superhero persona, Mr. Action! And he’s uncomfortable because he wears it under his regular clothes, and it’s hot outside! That Jimmy Olsen’s such a riot! Secret identities probably are a real pain; he’s so right.

In Gotham, Mary Marvel is still unsure of how to use her power, and she’s still lost. But now, there’s the added bonus of a mystery group watching over her, saying she’s perfect for whatever nefarious activities they’re up to perpetrating. Yawn.

Also, the group looking for Ray Palmer (Jason Todd, Donna Troy, Ralph Choi, and the Monitor-who Jason nicknames Bob LOL) are all looking for Ray Palmer still. And they meet some little insect looking things. Uh-oh, Spaghetti-O’s!

Is that it? Oh, whoops, almost forgot the cliffhanger. It’s the scene from the last issue of the Lightning Saga with the pleasant tease of a character that I’ve never heard of returning to help Karate Kid in his mission. Surprise!

Man, what a lousy issue. Slow down and tell us a story, already. Oh, and, for those of you thinking about dropping this series, here’s a little added incentive: After it’s all said and done, not only will you have purchased all 52 issues of Countdown, at $2.99 a pop, but you’ll probably also have to buy all the tie-in serieseses in order to read the actual compelling parts. Y’know, stuff like Countdown to Mystery, Countdown to Adventure, Death of the New Gods, Countdown Presents the Search for Ray Palmer, Countdown Presents Lord Havok and the Extremists, and all the other things that haven’t been announced yet. And, then, in order to get the pay-off to whatever we’re counting down to, you’re going to have to buy the Final Crisis series. All in all, you’re going to end up dropping something like three hundred bucks on a less-than mediocre piece of trash. Quite a tall order.

I need a drink. Or twenty.