Worst to First: February 25th, 2009

This past week, I bought six issues, and it was an even split between Marvel titles and DC titles. While nothing monumental happened in any of them, some were better than others. Some set up interesting things to come, some retold origins of characters, and two of them featured covers by Alex Ross. Seriously, enough is enough. Give the guy a rest. So, without further adieu, let’s see how they all fared in the eyes of yours truly, Mr. Doom DeLuise.

Worst: Justice Society of America #24

Whatever happened to Mary Marvel?

I’m not the first person to complain about the abuse done to Mary Marvel’s character over the past couple years, but let’s think about all that she’s gone through for a second (or two). She lost her powers in Brave New World, that dreadful one-shot that set up a bunch of new series, including Martian Manhunter, Trials of Shazam!, OMAC, The Creeper, and The All-New Atom.

From there, she went off to the pages of Countdown, where she searched for new powers, eventually settling for the powers of Black Adam, who’d recently lost his one true love Isis and didn’t want to have anything to do with his powers any longer. So, against her better judgment, she allowed Black Adam to transfer all of his powers to her, leaving him alone and powerless and her full of evil new energy.

These new Black Adam powers corrupted young Mary, so she acted like an insufferable bitch for a couple dozen issues before losing the powers in a fight with Eclipso. Upon a visit to Apokolips, Mary was able to free the gods that Granny Goodness had been holding captive, and they restored her Mary Marvel powers. For, like, an issue. Then Darkseid offered her new powers that would give her even more power, which she took, returning her to her Black Mary form.

After that, she showed up in Final Crisis, with a wardrobe change that made her look like a pink-haired goon. During that series, Black Adam (with fully restored powers and conscience) showed up and fought Mary, only to realize she’d been possessed by one of the New Gods from Apokolips, Desaad. So they beat her, and she lost her powers, vowing never to say the magic word again, since she felt so terrible for the things she had done (but had no control over).

And then, in the last issue of JSA, Black Adam is bad again, taking over the Rock of Eternity and plotting for even worse things. Mary shows up at the issue’s close, dressed like Black Mary from Countdown. However, this issue, she shows up to fight the JSA, only she’s dressed like Pink-Haired Goon Mary from Final Crisis. She explains that she hadn’t wanted to say the magic word again, but the voices in her head compelled her to.

Quick recap: Mary Marvel lost her powers, gained powers of Black Mary, lost those powers, got them back, transformed to different-looking Black Mary that was possessed by Desaad, lost those powers, swore off evil forever, turned back to original Black Mary, then transformed again into different-looking Black Mary that may or may not still be possessed by Desaad but probably isn’t. Oh, and on the cover of the next issue, she’s dressed like the original Black Mary again.

Y’see, when a “quick recap” takes that long to spit out, you know you’ve got a convoluted mess on your hands.

Oh, and, for those keeping score, the rest of this issue sucks, too.

Double-Sized Crap: The Incredible Hercules #126

This was last Saturday’s Book of Doom, but I got sick at the tail-end of last week, so I didn’t get around to reading it, let alone sending in a review, but I had to unexpectedly take a crap this morning, so I finally read this sucker.

While this issue isn’t completely horrible, it is predictable as hell and all-around boring. It’s pretty to look at, though, and there are a few exciting moments, but, for the most part, it’s really quite bland. And, as a small nitpick, I really dislike it when superhero comics make a big deal about costume changes. It should just be one of those things that’s glossed over. Because, otherwise, the reader starts thinking about the costume, which complicates things. I mean, now I’m wondering if Hercules has been wearing the same little get-up since 1291 B.C. Doesn’t it rip in big fights? Or did he just ask his mom to make him a whole bunch of them after his first fight? Or is he just a lot like Uncle Jesse during fights, only instead of warning people to, “Hey, watch the hair!” he says, “Hey, this skirt wasn’t cheap, pal! Watch where you’re swinging that battle axe!”

These are the kinds of thoughts that made it necessary to separate me from the other kids in school.

Wait for It… Wait for It…: Green Lantern #38

This series has been building up to Blackest Night and the War of Light for so freakin’ long now that I’m almost near a turning point where I’m just going to throw it away and never come back. I’m holding on to the hope, though, that my patience will eventually pay off. I’m sure it will, but the anticipation has had its ups-and-downs lately. This issue has a lot of cryptic crap in it, along with Hal Jordan getting yet another ring change. Plus, for good measure, they added some hints at the upcoming Agent Orange stuff; also, they reintroduced the Star Sapphires (Carol Ferris has been chosen). I always thought the Sapphires got their powers from those little rocks on their foreheads, but I guess they have rings now. Oh well. What the heck.

We leave Hal this issue with both Green and Blue Lantern rings, looking like a two-tone idiot, which really makes me hope that they’re not building up to Hal eventually having a ring of each corps on each finger, flying around like a goofy-looking rainbow guy. It wouldn’t surprise me, but it’d sure be annoying.

Sinestro continues to be the most entertaining bad guy in this series, which makes me incredibly interested in seeing who is eventually chosen to lead the Black Lanterns. Logically, from a story-telling perspective, he (or she) has to make Sinestro look like a petting zoo, or else the entire threat that’s being built up will seem kind of silly in comparison.

Honestly, how much longer are we going to have to wait? I can’t take it anymore.

So Long, Screwy; See ya in St Louie: Superman #685

For what this issue set out to do, it accomplishes it. It’s the set-up issue to Mon-El taking over the primary role in the Superman title, while Superman has decided to head on over to New Krypton, which is a new series spiraling directly out of this issue.

It does an expert job of hitting all the necessary notes that Superman would have to hit before leaving the planet for awhile, but it makes one key mistake. I’m relatively excited for the New Krypton series (excited enough to buy it, though?), but I can honestly say that, through no fault of its own, I’m going to drop this series from now on. Why? Because I don’t care about Mon-El, and I don’t give a flip about the Guardian.

I don’t know. I might just give up on all things Superman for awhile. I’m not too terribly excited for Nightwing and Flamebird taking over in Action, either.

Get a Better Artist, Already: Nova #22

This has been one of my favorite series for the past two years, but, lately, the art has really taken a nose-dive. As much as I care about these characters, and as much as I am intrigued by the latest plot developments and the eventual showdown that’s shaping up between Richard Rider and the Worldmind, I just can’t get past how crappy the art has become.

This issue is a perfect example. It starts off by showing a bunch of regular people being selected to become a part of the all-new Nova Corps, and it’s all really engaging and well-written, but it looks as if the artist drew it all in a single sitting. I’m not an artist, so I usually try to steer clear of critiquing a book based on poor art, which means that when I come right out and say that this book is shit because of its abysmal art, you know it has to be pretty rotten.

If it had decent art (not necessarily great – – just decent), I’d probably rate this at the top of the pile for the week, but I just can’t do that.

First: Captain America #47

Spoiler Alert: Captain America does not give any men oral sex in this issue. Nor does he dress in satin tights on Saturday nights, giving rim jobs to quite a few.

This issue is all about Bucky’s need for atonement for his sins committed while working as the Winter Soldier. It leads him to Taiwan, where he’s taken prisoner and subjected to a little bit of torture. He brought along Namor to aid him in stopping Professor Chin’s plot to resurrect the Human Torch, but Namor’s also taken prisoner, and it looks like he just might be executed.

Luckily, the Black Widow is Bucky’s ace in the hole, and I have a feeling that she’s going to come to the rescue next issue. She’s none too happy that Bucky has headed out on this mission dressed as the Winter Soldier instead of Captain America, since it put a big ol’ target on his head and proved to her that he’s just trying to punish himself for stuff that went down decades ago.

I didn’t know how Brubaker was going to make Cap interesting after the conclusion to that epic story he recently wrapped up, but this new arc has been a pleasant surprise. The art continues to be top-notch and supremely detailed, too.

Unless they start tacking on five pages of reprinted comics from twenty years ago thereby allowing them to jack the price up to four or five bucks a pop, I’m going to be sticking with this series for quite a long time.

By the way, we’re just three issues away from the big #50, so I’m guessing there will be a giant commemorative issue that costs, I dunno, ten bucks. Just a hunch. I don’t know if even that would dissuade me from sticking with this title.