Impending Doom:
December ’08 Previews

I had a lot of time to look at the new issue of Previews over the holiday weekend. Starting off we’ve got the Marvel Previews insert.

Cover: “Ultimatum brings about the end of two teams,” it says, promising the end of Ultimate Fantastic Four and Ultimate X-Men. Good riddance. I remember reading Ultimate X-Men for the first time in an LAX terminal waiting for a delayed flight on Vanguard Airlines. Not necessarily ironically, Vanguard was in its last days, filing for bankruptcy a few months later. I was a faithful reader of that series for several years until Bryan K. Vaughan destroyed it. I cite the Ultimate Sinister storyline as my Ultimate Disgust moment. Robert Kirkman’s later run wasn’t much better.

Inside cover: Darkhawk is returning. Wow. People really are making conscious decisions to bring back the worst elements of the 1990s. Daredevil’s armored suit has to be just around the corner, right after the Punisher turns black.

Page 5: The cover to Black Panther #1 is a painting of Namor. Take that.

Page 7: “Secret Warriors #1.” I’m starting to wonder if there isn’t a Marvel random series title generator. Coming soon: New Invasion.

Page 10: The cover to Black Panther #1 with the Black Panther on it has to wait until 5 pages after Namor.

Page 13: It blows my mind how many new series Marvel is constantly cranking out. The latest for February is “Agents of Atlas.” It’s $3.99, but it’s 48 pages. It’s also amazing how many licensed titles Marvel is putting out. I don’t notice these at all when I’m comics shopping, but there are pages and pages of Previews dedicated to Anita Blake and Ender’s Game and Dark Tower and the Stand. Homer also apparently signed with Marvel as well. I’m sure I’ll never read “The Wonderful Wizard of Oz” but Skottie Young’s art is beautiful.

Page 26: With the promise of “Ultimate Wolverine vs. Hulk #3” coming in March, Marvel is re-selling issues #1 and #2 from the ’90s or whenever it was they came out. With Ultimatum going on, will the conclusion to this story be even less relevant than it would’ve been?

Page 27: Wolverine has been re-envisioned for the Noir books. Now he holds three-pronged claws. Where do they come up with this stuff?

Page 33: I realize my mind sometimes ends up in the gutter, so I doubt “Captain America #47” involves Cap orally servicing some guy in a funny hat.

Page 38: It had to happen sometime. Kingpin’s coming back.

Page 40: Marvel must already be panicking about The Eternals. Issue #8 guest stars Wolverine. Further evidence the ’90s are back.

Page 41: Nothing says February like a Thanksgiving dinner with the Fantastic Four.

Page 51: This is amazing. There is a new comic called “Models, Inc.,” which involves a bunch of models solving mysteries. The cover by Scott Clark appears to be little more than a traced nude amateur model with some clothes poorly photoshopped on.

Page 52: Further evidence the ’90s are back — “Moon Knight #27” guest stars the Punisher.

Page 61: Poor Guardians of the Galaxy. The series will only be 10 issues old and already tied up in its second crossover.

Page 70: This “X-Men Origins: Sabretooth” solicitation is worded as if Sabretooth didn’t get decapitated last summer. I wouldn’t blame Marvel if they’re just asking us all to forget that happened.

Page 73: Ooh, Bishop has a bionic arm now. Did I mention the ’90s are back? It’s only a matter of time before Power Pack are carrying massive guns.

That’s all I care to discuss from Marvel’s December Previews. Coming up tomorrow, the thick Previews for everyone else! As a teaser, the cover informs us that the Overstreet Comic Book Price Guide has returned! Did you know the ’90s are … nevermind.