Countdown to Final Crisis: Twelve

countdown 12Hi, everybody! Wow, time flies when nothing’s happening, eh? It seems like only yesterday when comics fans across the country were starting to realize that Countdown was absolutely worthless, and, now, here we are. This series sure has come a long way.

It’s been a long and winding road, with plenty of crossovers to this big super event. Crossovers like “Death of the New Gods,” which has been pretty bad; or “Salvation Run,” which has been stupid and annoying; or “Countdown Presents: Search for Ray Palmer,” which was completely pointless; or “Countdown Presents: Lord Havok and the Extremists,” which has been so stupid looking that I haven’t even picked up a single copy; or “Countdown to Mystery,” “Countdown to Adventure,” and “Countdown Arena,” which have all competed for most pointlessly God-awful mini-series of the past decade. So much has happened over the past nine months!

Psyche! Nothing’s happened. At all.

I mean, something should have happened through all those mini-serieseses, right? Theoretically, yes. I guess the New Gods are dying, and they found Ray Palmer. Hey, I just figured out how to explain everything that’s been going on in the crossovers. Just read the title. That’s the gist. They searched for Ray Palmer, and there was an arena in one, and there was another one with an adventure, etc.

I’m not here to bitch about all the needless crossovers, though. Somebody else should do that, though. Seriously. Me, I’m here to bitch about the flagship issue. We’ve got twelve issues left before Final Crisis. Crunch time! Note: By comparison, at this point in “52,” this would have been the issue where John Henry Irons and Natasha raided LexCorps tower, destroyed the Everyman Project, and beat Luthor decisively. Week Forty.

Something similarly big happens in this one, right? Well, let’s hit each story point by point!

The Challengers go to Apokolips.

Elsewhere, Jimmy Olsen and Forager go to Apokolips.

Meanwhile, Holly Robinson, Harley Quinn, and Mary Marvel go to Apokolips.

Elsewhile, Pied Piper and Trickster’s severed hand go to Apokolips.

Meanwhere, Brother Eye, Karate Kid, and Una go to Apokolips.

And we’re finished. Much earlier than usual.

Wanna talk about anything else? How was everybody’s Super Fat Tuesday?