Worst Writer of 2007

Fin Fang Doom says: Reggie Hudlin!

BET REGINALD HUDLINReggie Hudlin is batting 1000! Unfortunately, he’s batting 1000 at sucking ass. Now I know what you might be saying to your computer right now…”Fin, if you hate Reggie Hudlin so much, why are you still reading his comics?” Well, I’m not. That’s how bad Reggie Hudlin is. I don’t read anything he writes, and I still know everyone else is better than him. Even Chris Claremont is a better writer than Reggie Hudlin, and Chris Claremont is terrible. That guy ruined one of my favorite comics, but Reggie Hudlin nerarly ruined Spider-Man. In fact, Reggie Hudlin probably softened Spidey up for the thorough ruining Spidey got at the end of 2007. In summary, Reggie Huldin sucks.

Doom DeLUise says: Jeph Loeb!

Jeph LoebHis writing on Wolverine was terrible, as was his stuff on Captain America: Fallen Son. Plus, he wrote some Onslaught nonsense that nobody read, but probably really sucked. Most recently, he started in on ruining the Ultimates, with a horrible debut issue. Plus, the fact that he’s associated with a certain television program I won’t name, he automatically qualifies for worsts on anything he tries to do.

Honorable Mention: Joe Quesada. Although he’s not technically a writer, and he hasn’t been credited as writing anything this year, you could see his fingerprints all over The Amazing Spider-Man One More Day story-arc. And that was just godawful. How do you explain all of the changes that took place, Mr. Quesada? “It’s magic; it doesn’t have to make sense.” Kudos.

Honorable Mention: Brad Meltzer/Dwayne McDuffie. It doesn’t matter which one was writing it; they both made awful contributions to the written half of the Justice League of America. That series has been unbelievably bad throughout all of 2007, and I’ve gladly dropped it as part of my New Year’s Resolution to only buy comic books that I know I’m gonna like (excluding Countdown).

Honorable Mention: All the Countdown People. Who knows who these guys are (other than Paul Dini), but man, oh man, do they all suck balls.

Jim Doom says: a whole lot of guys!

I think I’ll give the nod to everyone in Fall of the Super Writers, but include some examples from my comments over the past year:

Brad Meltzer, after Justice League of America #7:
This book is so blasted slow. I feel like I bought an over-priced summary of the last 6 issues and they’re still discussing the team line-up? For crying out loud! If someone would have told me “Hey, issue 7 will be more expensive than usual and they are still going to be re-hashing the melodramatic team-invitation scene that they’ve been milking since issue zero!” I would have said “No they’re not.” And I would have been wrong!

It’s issue 7! STOP inviting people into the League! Stop setting up parallels with past League moments so that your colorist can use faux-60s colored dots that failed to line up properly in order to continue driving home the point that this is a new era, yet it still has its parallels with the past or whatever stupid point you’re trying to make via colored dots! WE GET IT!! Or maybe I don’t even get it but I’m so tired of this contrived extra level of sentimentality that I don’t want to even try to get it! I don’t want any more invitations, I don’t want to see any more tables with photos of potential recruits lying scattered about and I’m really tired of having 18 different perspectives narrating my way through the book, especially when they can’t be bothered to put the last 5 pages in the right order.

I probably should have been excited by the cliffhanger at the end, but at this point, it probably means that next issue, they’re going to print out a polaroid of Karate Kid and use color-coded caption boxes to debate whether or not to invite him into the League.”

Dwayne McDuffie
From my review of Justice League #13: “In this one issue, the comic players are ambushed by someone who just happens to be standing in the room – not once, not twice, not three times – but EIGHT TIMES. Seriously! I’m honestly not exaggerating! And several of these happen in A HOSPITAL ROOM! … Those sure are dramatic twists – IF YOU’RE STUPID!

It’s like villains will think “Nah, let’s not take out all the heroes in one fell swoop. I think we’ll have a few people hang back so that the front line can get fairly decimated, and then when the good guys think they’ve won, we’ll have someone else jump out and surprise them! And then if the heroes get the upper hand, which they most likely will, since they’re now all focused on one person instead of a group of three or four, we’ll have someone else jump out and surprise them again! Nevermind that, by waiting, we deliberately increase the superheroes’ odds, due to the fact that the heroes have to take on smaller numbers at a time. No, that’s okay. The dramatic impact will be worth the cost.”

This also overlooks the fact that, for the past two issues, the plot has entirely consisted of this: Justice League sub-team A goes to the hospital where Firestorm is; Injustice League members ambush them, overwhelm them, and abduct them. Justice League sub-team B goes to the warehouse where Firestorm was attacked; Injustice League members ambush them, overwhelm them, and abduct them.

I wish I was kidding, but it seriously was the exact same thing as what happened in the Justice League wedding special, except with different members! THE EXACT SAME THING!”

Paul Dini
In Detective #834, Batman and Zatanna survive being trapped in an electric chair and being shot in the throat (respectively) by breaking out of the chair and casting a spell to heal the throat (respectively). Take that, Joker!

Jeph Loeb
Let me give you a sentence: “Wolverine has a sequence of flashbacks which involve fights and it leaves him confused.” Am I talking about Wolverine #50, Wolverine #51, Wolverine #52, Wolverine #53 or Wolverine #54?

Those guys are in here largely because of the expectations that come with reading something by them, but I also want to include Andy Diggle for his work on Green Arrow: Year One. Here’s a tasty morsel I wrote about in September from issue #5:

OLIVER QUEEN (in his mind): “All my life I’ve climbed over the little guy on my way to the top of the heap, and never gave it a second thought. But here, a woman with nothing risked everything to save me. I owe her more than just my life…I owe her my soul.”

Now let’s stop for a second and think about it. A woman with nothing risked everything. So in other words, she risked nothing. She risked nothing, so her gesture was basically meaningless. If she had something and risked everything or even just something, she would actually be in danger of losing something, so she’d be taking a gamble for another person.

We’re supposed to believe that Oliver Queen opens his eyes to the selfish life he’s lived after a woman risks nothing to save him. I don’t want to cheer for a stupid hero. I want to cheer for a smart hero. Andy Diggle has given me a guy who blows up his own boat so he can fight people to steal their boat and who has epiphanies after people risk nothing to help him. Andy Diggle has given me Oliver Queen: Moron on an Island.

Doominator says: Joe Quesada!

The editorial interference of Joe Quesada is enough to taint any writer right in the taint. No writer can compare to his obsession with a Spider-Man swinging single.

Hey! Check out what we had to say about this category in 2006 and 2005!