Countdown: Thirty-Six

36Well, for the first time in this series, it feels like something actually happened this issue. Aside from one glaring editorial mistake, I think this issue actually flows pretty well and left me somewhat satisfied. First time for everything, eh? The cover shows that Mary Marvel is taking control over Zatanna, and I must first take this time to note that they both have enormous breasts, and Mary’s skirt is so short that it leaves practically nothing to the imagination. What’s weird is, that’s fine by me, since she’s a cartoon, and I’d rather not imagine her vagina. But, hey, we all have our proclivities, so I’m sure this does it for a small portion of the sex-starved fanboys out there.

The issue starts with the Monitor and his group getting attacked by some bugs that know magic, and, at the end of the three pages or so they’re given, somebody pops in to show that he means business and is going to take this little posse downtown. Only, we don’t know who he is yet, unless you have the ability to recognize obscure forearms. I don’t, so I guess I’ll be waiting a week.

Meanwhile, in Gotham, Poison Ivy has Piper and Trickster all tied up, and Trickster is under her spell. Fortunately, Piper’s gay, and, thus, immune to her powers, so he starts to talk about some big cheese bringing them all together — that he and Piper are there at said big cheese’s behest. Midway through his speech, though, the Powers to Be forget who’s talking, and it switches to Trickster being the clever one, immune to Ivy’s powers. Later, it switches back to Piper, and our big cliffhanger is that the big cheese is Deathstroke, and he’s pissed that these ass-clowns are horning in on his territory. Since when does Deathstroke work with Poison Ivy? Isn’t he a “by the client” hitman type of guy? Maybe I missed something. Anyway, he’s mad, and now our lame duo are in for some REAL trouble. Just like the last ten weeks or so. Uh-oh, Spaghetti-O’s!

As for Mary Marvel and her turn to the Dark Side, we meet up with her and Zatanna at Z’s home, where Mary flips out and starts fighting Z. Talk about bad manners! Come to find out, the person who’s been eyeing Mary for the past few weeks is Eclipso, and she’s trying to corrupt our little sexpot. Boring.

Back at the JLA headquarters, Jimmy is trying out (I wonder how that will turn out for him), and all our favorite superheroes are there. Fucking great. I didn’t buy Action Comics last week, which was a Countdown tie-in, so I guess I will never know what happened between the Jimmy revealing Clark as Superman and Jimmy trying to join the JLA bit. Talk about worthless. The one interesting thing that happened last week, and its conclusion was passed off to a tie-in. I’m tired of all the bickering about Editor’s Notes. They should be required at this point. I’m not going to buy every DC issue that comes out every week, so I think that something needs to be done. This is seriously infuriating.

Oh, and Karate Kid and Una go to the guy that Oracle sent them to, but there’s some big bad guy there (think Doomsday mixed with Mojo), and Karate Kid fights him until the guy grabs Una and threatens to kill her. Whatever.

You know what? I take it back. Some fighting did happen this issue, but nothing substantive took place, so I will continue to go about my way and say that this series, as the Rock would say, “Absolutely SUCKS.”