Countdown: Thirty-Seven (OWL)

37Well, it took me awhile, but here I am. A day late? No, more like 12 days late. A dollar short, though? You better think again, little man. I’m back, and I have some reviewing to do, so let’s begin at issue 37 of what has been, to this point, the single worst comic book series I’ve ever shelled out money to follow. Computer, check. Comic book, check. Twelve-pack, check. Atomic batteries to power, turbines to speed, roger, ready to move out.

This issue still has the same problem that has lagged this series so far, and that is, it includes every single storyline within the issue, giving each a couple pages, so that nothing actually happens, as nothing is given any time to. Well, I am a fair man, and, therefore, I will say this, in the most fair way possible: Countdown Thirty-Seven has something going for it that none of the other fourteen issues preceding it has had — something actually does happen.

Let’s go through it. We begin with Karate Kid and Una, with the former getting tests done on him by the Oracle, Barbara Gordon. She can’t identity the virus Karate Kid has, so she gives him the name of a long shot who might be able to. Odd. If he’s sick, and he knows he’s sick, but she runs through every test imaginable and can’t find what it is that he’s sick with, it makes you wonder. How did he know he was actually sick in the first place? And, if any other doctor in the world ran all those tests and found nothing, wouldn’t his response be, “Well, I can’t find anything wrong with you, so, well, I guess there’s nothing wrong with you?” Oh, well. That’s it for that crew this week. I think they got four pages for that. Oops, my bad. Three.

Elsewhere, Mary Marvel gets taken to Zatanna’s home (Shadowcrest), and Mary gets excited at the idea of having so much power from having so many magical artifacts, etc. For once, a little bit of foreshadowing is kind of nice. She wants power, or, as Emperor Palpatine would say, “UNLIMITED….POWWWWWERRRR!!!” God, that prequel trilogy fucking sucked.

Elsewhere (I am tired of coming up with new transitions when the series I’m reviewing won’t bother), the Monitor and his gang of misfits happen upon some little gnome type girl, and she says some nonsense. Jason Todd says some incredibly stupid shit, and we’re left the way this group leaves us every issue: They’re surrounded by a group of intimidating bugs. Seriously.

Elsewhere, Piper and Trickster have found a greenhouse and decide to munch down on some fruit. Only, it’s Poison Ivy’s greenhouse, and she traps them. I get where they’re going with this storyline, but it’s just stupid and silly. These guys are on the run, and they’re bumping into everybody along the way, because they’re inept and blah blah blah. I don’t care whatsoever.

Elsewhere, Harley and Holly do some acrobats.

Elsewhere, Jimmy Olsen drinks coffee and realizes Clark Kent is Superman. And THAT’S the one cool thing in this issue. No, not when he pulls open Clark’s shirt and reveals it, as Clark reacts by doing his best Mr. Ed impression, but, there’s a line in the narration where Jimmy looks at his Superman watch, notes a “…,” and says, “No way! How do I know that?” Jimmy’s ability to know things that he has no reason to know — like this, Jason Todd’s identity, etc — is kind of interesting. It’s what made me slightly, mildly interested in this series to begin with, and I hope they take it a few steps further.

That’s all. Overall, it was a boring issue, and every character had big, bright Bambi eyes, so I was put off by the art, on the whole. One of these days, something has GOT to happen.