Countdown: Thirty-Eight: The Podcast

[SFX: Podcast of Doom theme music]

DOOM DELUISE: Hello, and welcome to the Legion of Doom’s latest installment of the Podcast of Doom. Welcome to the show. I am your co-host, Doom DeLuise, and this week, we’ve decided to do a very special podcast focused strictly on “Countdown.” Please give a very hearty welcome to my fellow co-host, Jim Doom.

[applause]

JIM DOOM: Thank you, thank you.

[SFX: Music fades out]

DD: I think we can all agree that “Countdown” has failed to live up to even the most mild of expectations, so perhaps we should just get right down to the brass-tacks. What do you say, my fellow Doom? Did you read Countdown this week? It’s actually really, really great. Oh, wait, whoops, I meant the opposite.

JD: I didn’t think it was as awful as usual, but still not any good.

DD: Oh, so you liked the hacker fight?

[audience laughter]

JD: Man, that was lame.

DD: How the hell does Karate Kid know he’s dying? Did he go to the even futurer future and find out how he dies and from what? Or did I miss the issue where Batman was examining him (in the JLA/JSA crossover) and noticed nothing?

JD: Well, this week’s Countdown seemed like it sucked because it was aiming at something good and just missed; usually it sucks because it’s just pointless and awful.

DD: I don’t know about that. What was it shooting for?

JD: It seemed to be attempting climactic moments, such as worldwide computer failures, Darkseid on the move, actually finally demonstrating Mary Marvel as slightly darker rather than just having people say “Oooh, there’s something different about that Mary Marvel…” I’m not saying it succeeded. It just seemed like maybe a good writer could have been given these plot points and turned it into something less awful. Perhaps in an alternate universe, if you will.

[audience laughter]

JD: Well, normally it’s like, “Let’s spend five minutes listening in on a conversation at the Group Home for Women,” and then, “Let’s watch two Rogues eat chicken in the basement” – material that nobody could make good because no amount of talent is going to be able to trick anyone to thinking that there’s a point to it. Still, it was super predictable in it’s crapness. I mean, who isn’t going to see it coming that Jimmy Olsen’s powers wouldn’t work in his tryout? And that extremely awful crane pose. Maybe that passes for this week’s movie reference. But if I want to see a computer geek fight, I’ll just go read the Bendis message boards or something. And it would be way more clever and interesting than the embarrassing Oracle / Calculator duel.

DD: My big problem with it is that the past two issues had a cliffhanger of “Ooh, here’s Montoya,” and then, “Ooh, here’s Montoya and the Batwoman!” It made us believe they’d be important, and then they just left immediately.

JD: Yeah and Montoya knows they’re innocent because the puppet show is stupid? These guys are on the run and she just lets them go because she JUST KNOWS?

DD: And…wait a minute… I just looked at the actual issue of the Flash where he was killed, and you can clearly see Piper and Trickster punching him right before he died. So Montoya “just knew” and was totally wrong. Both Piper and Trickster are responsible for Bart Allen’s death as much as the next “Rogue.”

JD: Fair ’nuff. And, y’know what? Another thing that really annoys me that happens all the time these days is when writers use one character’s dialogue to finish another’s thought, but it’s as a segue from one scene to the next. It’s like Tomax and Xamot in all of my comics every week.

[audience laughter]

DD: Well, yeah, you’re right. That happens a lot, though, and I hate it, too. Blame “Watchmen.” That’s what made it popular.

JD: I still think you’re an idiot, but I guess we agree here, right?

DD: I don’t know why you’re so hostile.

JD: I’m not hostile.

[audience laughter]

DD: I think you might just be insecure.

[heavy audience laughter]

JD: Okay, you win. I am insecure. Do you have any final thoughts?

DD: Why, yes, I do. I think that Countdown is a friggin’ joke, and, yet, they keep announcing new spin-offs of it, as they did this very weekend at the Chicago Con. Arena? Think I give a shit about that? I could buy an X-Box 360, plus several games for what this lack-luster series will inevitably cost me. That makes me furious. But, I’ll defer to you, Jim, for the absolute final point.

JD: I’m sorry. I’m incredibly old, so I fell asleep and stopped paying attention.

[audience laughter]

DD: This is just embarrassi…

[SFX: Music Fade Out]