Worst to First: 6/6/07

Hey, remember last year at this time, when the calendar aligned to 6/6/06, and the sky turned red, and demons clawed their way up through the earth’s mantle and humanity survived by only the narrowest of margins? Yeah, hard to believe it was a year ago already… After reading this latest batch of comics, I almost wish it was the end times again. Whew, what a crap pile. No fewer than six books landed in the “soon to be dropped” pile. Ugh, let’s get to slogging.

Worst: Left on Mission #2

The art on this book is perfectly fine, and the first third is fairly interesting, if a bit decompressed. It’s very Jack Bauer, in short. The last chunk, though, bogs down in a morass of dialogue between the main character and some chick with whom he used to have familial relations, as Ron Burgundy might say. There’s not enough to figure out what’s going on, despite the hefty word count. Color me confused and bored.

More confusinger: Crossing Midnight #7

I started out really liking this series, which meshes Japanese folklore and a contemporary story of adolescent rebellion. And then… something changed. There are times when a shift in paradigms works in comics (see: Invincible), but this isn’t such a case. Now, the series has fallen headlong into the fantastical parts and completely disconnected with reality. Oh, and me. I wanted to like this book, but it’s time to say so long.

Horseshoes and hand grenades: Fall of Cthulhu #3

This book is close… but not quite. I dig the premise of a guy being drawn into the occult entanglements of a relative, and there are some very creepy moments in a dream existence (when the book really nails the Lovecraft vibe), but those moments die on the vine thanks to terrible interaction between characters. The protagonist and his girlfriend talk in cliches and have unrealistic reactions to the weirdness swallowing them.

Turd falling: Countdown #47

Already, our very own Doom DeLuise has taken this tripe to task and said he’s giving the Paul Dini-led weekly one more chance. Allow me to top that. I’m done. I became a huge DC supporter around Infinite Crisis, and I kept up through most of 52, but things have just fallen apart here. Aside from Jimmy Olsen with powers (which is inherently interesting because it’s an old-school throwback and Jimmy is cool), there’s nothing to keep me reading Countdown. Amazons attacking! Nobody cares. Flash’s rogues amassing! Read about it in Flash. The Monitors are, uh, doing something! The Monitors are dorks.

We still have no idea what this Crisis is about, or if anything is really threatened. No stakes have been set. Unlike IC, there weren’t years of sly buildup. It’s just a big pile of stuff. Worst, of course, is the bizarro treatment of Black Adam. Don’t the editors and writers understand that the quick turnaround rips any impact from developments with him? Do they all suffer from ADHD? This is just bad, and until further notice, I’m done.

One step forward: Jonah Hex #20

You know the rest of the saying. In what’s been an annoying trend, the beginning of this issue — like all with Hex, he gets caught up in some intrigue to be solved with hot lead — but it quickly turns to crap. With no real explanation, the anti-hero is beaten up and nearly killed, so he starts out for some revenge. He hires a whore to go to Texas with him, which seems like a setup to a smash-bang conclusion. But the writers essentially cut out the interesting part (Hex orchestrating and executing the revenge) and simply cut to him dynamiting the building his foes are in. I’m not sure it has even the barest essentials of storytelling that most of us learn in grade school. Beyond that, Phil Noto’s art makes me think he should change his last name to “Nono.” Okay, that’s a terrible pun. But his action sequences are as lifeless as my old dog Lucky, god rest his soul.

Star rising: Cover Girl #2

This last of the Boom! Studios books of the week makes a serious leap from the first issue, which was overwrought with unfunny Hollywood commentary. The story takes the fore here, and we see blooming-movie-star Alex Martin fall further into a bind, with some mysterious group out for his head. Alex’s protector, the badass Rachel, is allowed to be more than T&A, or a wry commentary on the overuse of T&A in pop culture. She’s just a tough dame. This book has a pulse.

Cruising along: Outsiders #48

The bulk of this fourth chapter in the Checkout event (a crossover with Checkmate, how clever!) is a bit of straightforward superhero fare. Robots, monsters, superheroes, subterfuge, oh my! The team infiltrating Oolong island is all shot to hell and it’s a mad scramble to nab some info and skedaddle. The switchup between pencillers isn’t too distracting (Matthew Clark is substantially better than Ron Randall, though). What floats this toward the top of the week (beyond a complete and utter lack of competition) are the final few pages, in which Boomerang Jr., Nightwing and OMAC lady fall captive to a clearly demented (and mysteriously still living) Tsang the Egghead Dude.

Dini’s saving grace: Detective Comics #833

Despite all that crap in Countdown, I’m glad I can still count on Paul Dini to crank out an awesome issue of Detective. In a nice team-up post mind-wipe-gate, Batman and Zatanna try to take down an asshole magician who maims and kills people, supposedly on accident. I’ll go ahead and lay down a SPOILER WARNING, because to discuss the brilliance of this issue, I have to reveal the secret, that the mad magician is really the Joker in disguise. I didn’t catch that twist until it happened, and it was one hell of a surprise. To make it even better, if you go back and read the start to the story, there’s an exchange between Commissioner Gordon and the fellow he thinks is the magician. After reading it again (Babs Gordon comes up), I couldn’t help but think that I should’ve figured it out. But Dini scripted it just lightly enough to pass under the radar. Good stuff.

First: Uncanny X-Men #487

My gut instinct was that this was my favorite book, but now I’m wondering if it was really better than Detective. Oh well, I’ll go with my gut, even though it has $#!& for brains.

What do I like about this issue? First, we’ve had a lot of weird X-Men stories in recent years, pretty much ever since M(uck) Day. They’ve been in space, without the anchor of Xavier, under Sentinel house arrest, fighting stupid villains, etc. This issue is far from a everyone-get-together-and-play-baseball type of issue, and many of the standby heroes are MIA. But enough of the core group is back at the mansion that it feels like the return to a comfortable place.

I also am glad to see another book (my beloved X-Factor being the first) to seriously deal with the fallout from M(asturbating bear) Day. There are a ton of storylines that could stem from that, and the fate of the always tempermental Morlocks is a pretty important one to follow. And that allows Storm to come back, since she’s always the one who kicks the Morlocks’ asses. Man, can she and T’challa get a divorce already?

It sure doesn’t hurt having Salvador Larroca on art, but the number one thing I like about this issue is that Xavier’s back. Sure, it lessens the impact of M(onkey loving) Day that he’s back to normal, but it’s not like me or anyone in Marvel Editorial really cares about the impact of their summer events (Civil War excluded, for now). Here, Xavier is not a total dick (Illuminati) and he’s back to being the keel of that greatest of superhero teams.