Countdown: Thirty-Two

Countdown sucks, right? Ok, that’s out of the way. There’s a moment in this issue that really annoyed the hell out of me, so I’d like to take a minute to talk about it before we actually get into the down-and-dirty of what “happens” through the rest of this little rag. Here’s what it is: At Black Canary’s bachelorette party, which takes place at a male strip club, Supergirl and Wonder Girl (not Liberty Belle, as the cover would suggest) are given the task of making sure that everybody has a full glass of booze. Wonder Girl decides this means that they’re allowed to drink, as well, even though they’re under age, and attempts to pour a couple extra drinks. Wonder Woman steps in and says, “Oh, no. Bad enough we’ve exposed you to this sexist objectification, but neither of you is old enough to drink!”

This coming from the woman depicted on the cover of this issue as having jugs bigger than her head (that’s each jug, mind you). We all know that women are shown as sexual objects pretty much nonstop in comic books these days, but there’s always been that hope, in the back of my mind, that women were only so heavily objectified by mistake. After all, men are shown as big muscle-bound meatheads, so maybe having women shown as giant breasted pieces of ass was just some sort of default mentality that the workers in comic books cling to. That hope is no longer possible. It’s been destroyed with one simple line. The first time that I’ve ever seen a man sexually objectified in a comic book, and one of the characters points it out with disdain. Blind are the eyes turned as Zatanna more or less flops her breasts out of her top, revealing that she’s not even wearing a bra. Nobody seems to notice or care on the very next page, when Supergirl is pouring a drink out onto the floor, that it appears as though Supergirl’s not even wearing a skirt at all, and that her tits hang down freely nearly the equivalent of what would be about five inches. Every single woman in this issue, from Barbara Gordon to Lois Lane to Eclipso to Mary Marvel, Lady Blackhawk, Serling Roquette (head of genetics for Project Cadmus), to the ever-present-on-this-list Power Girl is reduced to nothing more than a piece of sexual objectification, and the only time anybody says a goddamn thing is when some dude jumps up on stage. Were the writers going for irony? Is this some kind of joke? I really don’t give a shit about sexual objectification, but I draw a line at double standards. This series has passively sucked now for nearly twenty issues, but this is the first time that I’ve ever seen it actively pissing me the hell off.

I digress.

Let’s talk about everything else that happened. Mary Marvel was offered tutilage from some creepy little bastard last week, and this week, she closes the glass lid over the big red button and says, “NO DEAL!” She smacks the guy up a bit, hears that voice that’s been stalking her and meets up with the owner of that voice at the issue’s end. For those of you who are just joining the party or who couldn’t remember the mystery woman’s name, it’s revealed to be Eclipso. Hurray.

Meanwhile, Jimmy Olsen meets with some people in Project Cadmus.

Most of the story takes place at the bachelorette party that I was just talking about, though. Piper and Trickster evade the big mummy, who enters the strip club and gets attacked by all the sluts in attendance, including Big Barda, who they’re trying to keep shrouded in mystery for some reason by not showing her face.

The Challengers from Beyond (or whatever they’re called), however, are still in pursuit of Ray Palmer, traveling through the Multiverse. They skip through Superman Red Son’s Earth and then pop in to Earth-3, where the good guys are bad. Man, this shit’s just so exciting, they should be given their own series.

That’s all for this week. What, were you expecting more? This series is terrible, man.