Breaking News:
Zack Snyder to Ruin Justice League Movie


Warner Brothers has decided to triple-down on veteran/terrible filmmaker Zack Snyder with the announcement late Sunday that Zack Snyder will ruin a Justice League movie, to be released sometime in 2018.

Snyder first ruined a movie based on DC Comics’ iconic superheroes with last year’s Man of Steel, a reboot of the Superman franchise, that many likened to Christopher Nolan’s reboot of the Batman franchise, because they hoped it would be as good. It wasn’t. Not even close.

Soon after the release of Man of Steel, Warner announced a planned sequel for Summer 2015, which would pit the titular Man against Batman, attempting and presumably failing to recreate the magic of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, only with characters that are much less interesting and a filmmaker who is much less talented.

“We figure that if Marvel can make a billion by teaming up a bunch of superheroes nobody heard of ten years ago, we should be able to make a trillion with Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman,” an unnamed Warner executive told reporters. “Sure, we haven’t made a good movie with anyone except for Batman, like ever, and half of those weren’t even any good. But who cares about quality? Clearly we don’t, so why should the audience?

“That’s why we asked Zack to direct the Justice League movie. He took the greatest comic book story ever told and turned it into a turd, but it still made us money. He took the most upstanding superhero in the world and turned him into a murderer, but he also turned quite a profit. We have no doubt that Zack will do something terrible with Justice League…terribly lucrative.”

Snyder is currently in pre-production for the as-yet-untitled Superman/Batman team-up film, which needed to be pushed from its original Summer 2015 release until May 2016, the same date as an unspecified Marvel release that has since been confirmed as the third Captain America film.

“Yes, Marvel has a track record of making good-to-great movies,” continued the Warner executive. “Yes, having a variety of writers and directors means that even if a viewer doesn’t like ONE Marvel movie, he might still like the next one. And yes, Winter Soldier was easily the best solo Avengers film yet, and the follow-up should be very highly anticipated. But Zack could film me shitting in a box for 2 hours, slap Superman vs. Batman on the film canister, and still make billions. And that’s what it’s really all about, isn’t it? So what’s the point in even trying?”