Between his funny voice and Tom Hardy’s inherent magnetism, it’s very easy to ignore everything else in “The Dark Knight Rises.” But, believe it or not, there’s actually a plot in that movie, and it doesn’t make a LICK of sense. Don’t get me wrong, though. I love the movie. Absolutely. I’ll see it dozens of times over the years, I’m sure. I’m not trying to pick any nits here, because I think that the movie works, in spite of the fact that it’s stupid as hell. We’re talking potatoes-with-mouths, capital-S Stupid. And there is no part of the movie stupider than Bane’s idiotic Master Plan. Let’s review! What is he trying to accomplish? What is his plan?
1. Help THE GODDAMN BATMAN fund a fusion reactor so they can eventually turn it into an atomic bomb.
2. Bankrupt THE GODDAMN BATMAN in order to bribe Daggett (not Roland, unfortunately) into having his construction crews plant bombs all over the sewers of Gotham.
3. Accidentally lure the police into the sewers, where the aforementioned bombs are placed, detonate those bombs, and trap the police forever (keep them with a steady supply of food and water, btw, until they escape, at which point they’re fair game to be murdered).
4. Lock down Gotham, impose Martial Law, release the inmates of Blackgate, and give the city back to the people. If anybody interferes, the nuke goes off.
5. Show the people of Gotham that Gordon is a fraud.
6. Break The Batman. Put him in a prison known only for its hopefulness.
7. Inspire REVOLUTION in Gotham.
8. Kill The Batman.
9. Explode Gotham.
10. Die in the explosion.