In case you haven’t heard, the Powers That Be at Warner Bros have recently hired Guy Ritchie (of “Swept Away” fame) to direct the big-screen adaptation of Don Payne’s “Lobo” script. You might remember Don Payne as the guy who wrote the second Fantastic Four movie or the dude who penned “My Super Ex-Girlfriend,” one of the absolute worst movies of the past decade.
According to the article in Variety: “In the film, he is a seven-foot tall, blue-skinned, indestructible and heavily muscled anti-hero who drives a pimped out motorcycle, and lands on Earth in search of four fugitives who are bent on wreaking havoc. Lobo teams with a small town teenaged girl to stop the creatures.”
Doesn’t that just sound AWESOME? An anti-hero with a pimped-out motorcycle? Teaming him up with a small town teenaged girl doesn’t even have the possibility of being lame as shit!
Hopefully, once they get into casting, they’ll decide it’d be more marketable to hire a small town teenaged boy, putting some, I don’t know, Fred Savage-esque tween in the sidekick role. From there, all they have to do is cast Howie Mandel as Lobo, and they’ve got a sure-fire blockbuster on their hands.
In case you couldn’t tell, I was being sarcastic. This is gonna be so stupid it’ll make “Little Monsters” look like “Casablanca.”
By the way, for those of you keeping score at home, when it mentions who’s producing this inevitable shit-burger, yes, Akiva Goldsman is the same Akiva Goldsman whose writing skills killed the Batman franchise back in the late 90s. He also got hired this week to reboot the Fantastic Four franchise. So, for those scratching their heads, the answer is: Twelve Years. The question, of course, is, “How long does it take before Hollywood forgets about somebody committing career suicide?”