Countdown to Final Crisis: Ten

countdown 10Holy smokes! I’m running a little late with the ol’ recap this week, but my exclamation is referring to the fact that this series is almost down to the single digits, and there still hasn’t been one good issue. This one is no different. It brings things closer to the end, sure, and brings several big “storylines” together, but it also commits two mistakes that seem to be staples of this series to date. First, the photo on the cover doesn’t have anything to do with what’s inside; and, second, one of the main plot points in this issue directly negates one of the biggest plot points of a different series that is supposedly taking place along the same timeline at the same time.


Let’s get right into it, shall we? Remember, everything is happening on Apokolips right now, so keep that in mind. Oh, and, remember, the theme this week is Crying. We start off with Mary and Holly and Harley, shooting stuff for reasons I don’t care to remember, eventually stumbling upon a giant burning door that apparently talks to Mary and tells her to say the magic word, even though she rejected Black Adam’s powers. She does, the door is broken, and the Gods are free (previously trapped by Granny Goodness, apparently). And they’ve given Mary Marvel her good powers back for freeing them. They then give Holly and Harley some powers and tell them to go kill Granny.

The trio, fully charged up after six panels of Mary crying six single tears of joy, head after Granny. They never actually physically engage her, though, unlike what the cover suggests. Eventually, the New God Killah shows up and kills Granny, as she cries a single tear of regret. They don’t show the killer, but it’s Himon. Spoiler alert!

Elsewhere on Apokolips, the Challengers are startled by a giant bolt of lightning in the distance. They go to investigate, and those two storylines converge, as they meet up with Holly, Harley, and Mary.

Red Robin, however, is off on his own, when he runs into Karate Kid fighting UNAMAC. He tries to help, but Karate Kid wants to free her. Red Robin (am I the only one who gets hungry when he reads that guy’s name?) dismisses him and runs off, only for the Kid to be bested physically by UNAMAC and taken to an “autopsy” (did he die?) for investigation as to why he can’t be assimilated.

Elsewhere, Pied Piper is sad, crying six single tears of sadness in six different panels, and Desaad is telling him to play his pipe and become King of Apokolips. Piper plays a bad song, apparently, as the world starts blowing up.

But then, it cuts and shows that Brother Eye has now taken over all of Apokolips. So Apokolips is no more, and Brother Eye is what Apokolips used to be. Or something. Right? Whatever. If it means more OMACs, color me unimpressed.

So there’s your issue. Remember how I said that one of the main plot points directly negates a main plot point from a different series, though? Yeah, think about it. Holly, Harley, and Mary freed the gods, who gave Mary her Marvel powers back, right? Well, over in the pages of Trials of Shazam!, Freddy Freeman, on his quest to regain the powers of the gods, has met with and taken the powers (or been given the powers) of each individual god for the past year. If the real gods have all been in captivity, is Freddy being given fake powers of fake gods?

I mean, since the ending of Amazons Attack, we’ve all known that Granny kidnapped and imprisoned the real Athena, but now we find out that she’s imprisoned every single other god out there. Either the events in Trials of Shazam! have been complete bullshit, or DC Editorial has yet again dropped the ball and let Countdown contradict something else that’s going on in the DCU. Yeah, it’s probably the latter.

What a stupid series.