Gimmickless Comic Reviews for the Week of October 31, 2007

Hey there, sports fans. Welcome to the first ever semi-regular (if I remember and am sober-ish) edition of “Gimmickless Comic Reviews.” You see, Jim Doom has his Doomino Effect, and Fin Fang used to do his Meaningless Awards or Random Thoughts, plus we all contribute to the weekly Book of Doom, so I figured I’d do something similar, only I haven’t thought up a gimmick yet. Is there another gimmick column on here that I’m forgetting? Hrm. Nope, those are all of them. Anyway, until I think up a gimmick, you’re just going to get regular old reviews. Cram that up your ass and tell me what you think of it. I was gonna say something about a pipe and smoking it, but I figured I’d try a variation. Sorry, it’s kind of gross. Don’t jam anything up your ass, unless you’re into that sort of thing, in which case…

Let the jamming begin! First things first, I want to say that I don’t care how good Jim Doom said the Infinite Halloween Special is, I refuse to pay $5.99 for a goddamn comic book. I mean, seriously, do you know how many other things I could use that money on? That could buy me a six-pack of Old Style tall-boys, with a buck left over. It used to be that $3.99 was the price for super special event issues, but now it’s just the price for all sorts of semi-special events, like the first issue in a new story-arc or series, or the conclusion of a story-arc, or the middle issue of a story-arc. If this price escalation continues, the industry will fall apart. More than it already is, I mean. So, no, I didn’t buy that issue. Goddamnit. Plus, the cover looks stupid, and I’m sick and tired of zombies and stupid crap like that. You want to know what would be scary? Making a comic that doesn’t suck. That didn’t really make any sense, but I don’t care. I’m sticking to it.

First up in my stack of comics, we’ve got The Death of the New Gods #2. Big Barda’s dead, as we’ve seen, and Mister Miracle goes through a wardrobe change to reflect his sorrow. Superman and some dumbass New God fight each other, and everybody makes fun of them. It’s a nice little pissing match, I guess. The big surprise is that all the dead New Gods are making up a new Source Wall, the Trophy Wall. I don’t really even know what the Source Wall is, so I couldn’t possibly care less. They should throw in some footnotes with this shit.

Next up, let’s talk about The Trials of Shazam! #9. When this series first started in September of last year, I heaped a shit-ton of praise onto it. Countless delays and eight issues later, I guess I should say, “I was wrong.” The art in this is freaking spectacular, as always, and the writing is alright, I guess, but it’s just been dragging too much, and the main villain, that stupid girl Black Adam (not Mary Marvel) equivalent is just getting annoying. Freddy’s only at, like, half power, since she seems to be getting half of everything he gets. Still, though, the stuff with Atlas is quite touching.

Chugging right along, Justice Society of America #10 is next up on the ol’ chopping block. ‘Course, it ain’t that old, eh, math majors? This is this week’s Book of Doom, so you’ll have to come back Saturday (or Sunday or Monday) to see what my thoughts on it were.

Next, we’ve got 52 Aftermath: The Four Horsemen. I have no idea why I bought this. I’ve hated the series so far, and I still haven’t read this issue, nor will I anytime soon, unless I take a crap within the next couple of hours.

Speaking of crap, let’s talk about Action Comics #858. Gimmick infringement! Gimmick infringement, they’ll say! Don’t worry, this isn’t turning into the Doomino Effect, because that was a red herring segue. This issue wasn’t crap at all! Take that! Superman travels to the future at Brainiac-Five’s request and meets up with those Legion of Superheroes folks. They’re being hunted, it seems, as if they’re enemies of the state. Some SWAT-type group confronts them and shoots Superman in the hand, with the bullet shooting right on through, in one of the coolest sequences I’ve seen in awhile. In the future, the sun is red, I guess. Well, I don’t guess. They say so. I really like the art in this issue, and Geoff Johns continues to put out quality shit every month, so you should read this if you haven’t yet.

On the other hand, the new issue of Batman #670 is crap. It’s the prelude to the Resurrection of Ra’s al Ghul, since he died in Death and the Maidens awhile back. First off, let me say, I frickin’ hate that little brat Damian, and I want to see him die, now. Putting that aside, this issue kinda sucks. I mean, it’s funny to hear Ra’s tell his henchmen to maim Damian if they need to (since they can just dip him in a Lazarus Pit to heal him), but, seriously, nothing really happens. Ra’s is dressed up like a mummy, so forget him.

Well, we’re down to the last issue I bought this week, and, surprisingly, the only Marvel title I picked up – X-Men: Messiah Complex: Chapter One. This issue, everybody and their sister is on the hunt for the first new mutant baby to be born since M-Day. It’s not 100% clear how everybody caught wind of this fact, but they sure converged on the town it was born in, killing all newborn babies and setting the town ablaze. Really pretty art and some top-notch work from Ed Brubaker (as always) will keep me with this title through to the end. I should note, this is the first X-Men comic I’ve bought in nearly fifteen years.

That’s all for this week. Maybe I’ll see you again next week around this time. Or maybe I’ll be passed out in an alley somewhere, being pissed on by bums. Only time will tell. Thanks for reading!