Countdown: Forty

Another week, another bland effort from DC as far as Countdown goes. This one is bad, bad, bad, and I mean bad. Were you really expecting much else? Here’s how it goes:

The issue opens with the story of Ryan Choi (the All-New Atom), along with Donna Troy, Jason Todd, and Bob the Monitor, right where we left them last week, being confronted by some monkey-looking warrior types, who instantly start up a fight. We come to learn Ray Palmer has passed through here recently, and he’s sad, and he’s now moved onto a different realm where “all things are possible.” You’d think the Monitor would know all of this stuff, but he doesn’t seem to know anything whatsoever. I guess he doesn’t pay much attention to his monitoring duties. Hell, I’d slack off too if I had to watch all this boring nonsense for longer than a few minutes.

Elsewhere, Jimmy Olsen, now with super-power enhanced muscles, stops a mugging. And Lois makes a self-aware joke about his super-hero name being stupid. Hey, if it’s stupid, change it, DC. Don’t just joke about it. Anyway, that’s all that happens to him this week, and the one story that was somewhat compelling ten weeks ago (when everything else already sucked) has now lost any sort of momentum it may have had in the first place. If only we could see Jimmy’s story for more than two pages a week. There’s gotta be a better way! If only there had been a prior weekly year-long series by which to follow some sort of blueprint. Ah well.

Mary Marvel’s story, on the other hand, is just getting better and better. Not. She’s now onboard a cruise ship, and she thinks about tossing a drunk overboard while watching Zatanna’s magic show. That’s it!

Holly Robinson, still at the Women’s Shelter, watches as Harley turns away a starving lady and her kid. Wasn’t the shelter just a big gated-in mansion last week? Because now it’s a high-rise building with pillars that looks like the courthouse from “12 Angry Men.”

Oh, hey, it’s Darkseid. Long time, no see. He’s looking at his parademons, and he zaps one of his whores. Man, his costume design is so silly looking. They should give him a big cloak or a cape or something. He just looks awful. Nothing regal about him. Oh, and a spy for New Genesis is there, but he decides he can’t find anything in Apokolips. Wow, he must not be looking very hard.

If you guys would do me a favor, Photoshop Darkseid a cape or something and send it to me via the comments section. I’d be interested in seeing if that would look any less silly than he does now.

The luckless rogues, Piper and Trickster, are in Gotham at the Penguin’s night club, and he reluctantly offers them asylum, but the Question is here, and she’s been given their coordinates by Oracle. I guess that’s the gigantic cliffhanger that will change everything from now on. I was expecting something bigger, like, oh I don’t know, a Wolverine vs. Batman fight would’ve been pretty big. Oh, I have an idea. Maybe the Question can give her mask to Holly Robinson next issue and then disappear, just like Black Adam did. Piss all over whatever pleasant memories we have of 52. Go ahead!

That’s all for now. Sorry there’s not much humor in here, but I’m pretty goddamned humorless when it comes to Countdown these days. Maybe next week, kids. Am I alone here in my loathing of this series? Somebody, please, stand up for it and defend the book. I swear, I’ll hear you out.