Meaningless Awards of the Week- 11/22/06

Least Subtle Metaphor of the Week- the cover to Amazing Spider-Man #536

Ooh, it’s like he’s being pulled in a bunch of different directions at once. Like emotionally, he’s torn between which way to go, but this cover is showing it as though he’s literally being pulled in opposite directions. I totally get that.

Best Line of the Week- The Governor, from The Walking Dead #32 by Robert Kirkman

Michonne is one enormous bad-ass. She survived on her own for months with nothing but a cool sword before she happened upon the prison that Rick & Co. set up camp in. When the Governor cut off Rick’s hand, Michonne responded by ripping the Governor’s ear off with her teeth while her hands were tied behind her back. After spending days tied up in a garage being beaten and raped by the Governor, she’s offered a respite if she plays along with a staged fight. Instead, she decapitates a dozen zombies and her non-zombie opponent before being taken down by the Governor’s men, which of course only resulted in more beating and raping. So when Rick & Co. break out of the city they’re being held captive in, you just know Michonne’s not leaving without saying goodbye to the Governor. After Michonne breaks into his apartment, the Governor says what everyone reading the book is thinking: “Well…this should be interesting.” The best part? The next issue ships Wednesday.

Book That Seemed Like It Should Have Been A Lot Better Than It Actually Was of the Week- Action Comics #845

Geoff Johns is a great comic writer. Richard Donner has a great love for the characters and is known for telling two of the best Superman stories of all time. Adam Kubert’s last name is Kubert. So why isn’t Action Comics very good? Maybe it’s because the Kuberts are really overrated. Maybe it’s because Superman vs. anti-Superman has been done so many times (including this very issue) that introducing Zod as the villain is pretty boring. Maybe it’s because introducing yet another survivor of Krypton into the DC Universe takes away from what makes Superman special. Maybe it’s because “Super-boy” reminds me of the dumbest aspect of this summer’s disappointing Superman movie. Maybe it’s because I never really liked Richard Donner’s Superman movies. Or maybe it’s because “Up, Up and Away,” Kurt Busiek’s Action Comics 3-parter, and the Busiek/Carlos Pacheco Superman are all much, much better than the Johns/Donner/Kubert Action Comics has been.

Funniest Therapy Session of the Week- Quicksilver’s session from X-Factor #13 by Peter David

Doc Samson- “So…I hear you’re evil now.”
Quicksilver- “Yes. I hear that, also.”

Moment of the Week- The Punisher rescues Spider-Man, Punisher War Journal #1 & Amazing Spider-Man #536

Based on sheer repetition alone, the moment when The Punisher rescues Spider-Man from The Jester and Jack O’Lantern has to take the cake for Moment of the Week. This is the second and third times we’ve seen this scene, which we first saw in Civil War #5 last week. Amazingly, three different writers were able to write the same scene three different ways and somehow manage to not contradict each other. When did Marvel learn how to do that?

Best Art of the Week- Ariel Olivetti, Punisher War Journal #1

Ariel Olivetti’s art is just pretty. He reminds me a lot of guys like Alex Toth who could draw great, detailed comics without bogging it down with unnecessary intricate linework. But that could just be because he drew the Space Ghost mini-series. But that series was really pretty, and so was Punisher War Journal. More please!

Letter Column of the Week- X-Factor #13

Most letter columns suck. Most of the time, someone you don’t care about writes them, like the associate editor. And most of the time all it features letters heaping praises upon the book and it’s creators. X-Factor’s letter column is not like most letter columns. It’s written by Peter David himself, first of all. And nobody (and I mean nobody) that got printed in the latest issue was heaping any sort of praise on the book. The characters were derided as being B-listers at best, and the creators themselves were insulted several times. The best compliment X-Factor received was that Layla Miller doesn’t suck as much as everyone says she does. Ouch. And these were the folks that cared about the book enough to actually write in.