Countdown to BOOBS!
In case anyone was wondering, yes, Mary Marvel does in fact have boobs. See? They’re right up there. Nice and big, so you can really get a sense of how her boobs define her character. Also of note: Mary’s left boob, the logical thinking one, is evil, while her right bood, the creative one, is good. Now that all of the boob-related concerns have been addressed, we can get down to business.
With Doom DeLuise off globetrotting, the responsibility of reviewing Countdown apparently falls to me. So let’s do a quick recap of the past two weeks:
In Countdown #5, Buddy Blank and Una venture out into the Great Disaster for some reason. They find Buddy’s grandson, get attacked by the most ridiculous-looking bulldog/human hybrid I’ve ever seen (which, granted, isn’t a very difficult accomplishment). Una gets pwned by some rats, and Blank and his grandson hole up in the Command D bunker. The world’s governments nuke the planet, and hence we have Kamandi, the Last Boy on Earth. Oh, and Jimmy Olsen and friends boom off of this world, because apparently Jimmy has the ability to do that. Convenient, huh?
In Countdown #4, the gang arrives on “our” Earth, which they know is “our” Earth because they just know, all right? Kyle, Donna, Atom and Buglady take Jimmy to see the JLA, while everyone else takes a hike. Harley, Holly and Jason all travel back to Gotham. Mary Marvel heads home to find Darkseid waiting for her in her comfy chair, who offers her the Eclipso gem, which she readily accepts. Elsewhere, Hippolyta is sad and Solomon the Monitor informs us that the Earth the heroes destroyed over the last few issues is Earth-51, the same Earth Monarch, Superboy-Prime and the Monitors destroyed somewhere in the teens. Then Mary Marvel kidnaps Jimmy Olsen after a fight with Donna and Kyle, because he’s the tat to Mary’s Eclipso tit. Hey, maybe this cover was more appropriate than I thought!
Anyway, #5 blew and isn’t worth talking about further.
Two things stand out from #4 though. First of all, Jason Todd has already ditched the Red Robin guise. He had that for what, ten issues or so? What the hell was the point of that? I guess they figured that since they put Red Robin in that teaser image when all this started, they had to work it into the story somehow. Granted, Todd is probably better off sticking with the Red Hood. A cape doesn’t really work with morally-loose antihero types.
Second, Mary Marvel posed a very interesting question on page four:
“Ohmygosh. Is this nightmare ever going to end?”
Don’t worry, Mary. There’s only three more issues.
So how did Earth-51 get destroyed twice, several months apart, in a series that’s supposed to be unfolding in real time?
Also, was Mary Marvel wearing her Mary Marvel Turtleneck when posing for this photo?
It’s called a pasty, I believe.
At least the cover actually had something to do with the story this time
“So how did Earth-51 get destroyed twice, several months apart, in a series that’s supposed to be unfolding in real time?”
Well, I guess the Monitors have the ability to rebuild universes. Which makes you wonder why they don’t just remake Earth-51 all over again.
I can’t find a comic shop to save my life, but I did somehow, uh, totally legally, get a chance to read issue five. I can’t believe they devoted two entire issues to the death of a planet that had already been killed about ten issues prior. Don’t they realize that it’s completely hollow and useless to do that? What terrible story-telling.
I hope that your description of issue four holds, and that several of the major players of this series (Holly, Harley, Jason, etc) just drift off into oblivion, having served no real purpose or accomplished anything of note. It would be a fitting end to this insipid series.
“NRAMA: We’ve been shedding cast members for a while now. Is that the last we’ll see of Harley, Holly and Jason in the pages of Countdown?
MC: Nope”
Although next issue appears to be Superman vs. Darkseid, which could certainly be good.
Yea , Joe Quesada’s boobs are much bigger than Mary Marvels !:twisted: